$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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