I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
