cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Another day, another engagement, another cat
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize