Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
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