I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
