i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I FOUND THE LEGS
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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