I feel like I'm in dance class right now
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
