the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
