OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize
