i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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