I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize
