for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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