I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
