RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
