My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
