Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
