dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
