just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
