In America we eat man semen.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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