That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Randomize
