I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
