No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
cat food counts as protein by the way
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Randomize
