eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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