I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
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