Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
