I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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