i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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