He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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