I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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