At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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