my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Randomize
