She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
