If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
