Can i not drive my cunt home
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
