my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
