Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
