please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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