just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
