I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
