he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
We need to rekindle our bromance
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
