Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
