Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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