from now on my penis is your penis
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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