Got a toothbrush?
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
