It's like a parade of train wrecks.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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