so that wasnt chicken after all
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
