i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
It's just like the Real World with babies
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
