I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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