We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
