I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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