We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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