the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize