Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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