I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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