my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Randomize
