Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
