bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
