He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
