I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
