she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
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