Where did you get a picture of my penis
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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