is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
