The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Randomize
